beau·ty  /ˈbyu ti / [byoo-tee] noun, plural -ties. 1. the quality present in a thing or person that gives intense pleasure or deep satisfaction to the mind, whether arising from sensory manifestations (as shape, color, sound, etc.), a meaningful design or pattern, or something else (as a personality in which high spiritual qualities are manifest). 2. a beautiful person, especially a woman.

This morning as I was leaving class, one of my professors complimented me, “You look very pretty today.” “Thank you,” I naturally replied. However, that wasn’t the end of the conversation. Her follow-up response was, “You are a very beautiful lady. You do know that?” Out of her sight, I stood at the doorway and pondered the question, also naturally. “I’m learning,” I responded after thinking about what I was going to say. You see, I answered that way because, well… I am learning. I’m learning what beauty truly is. As women, especially in my generation, we have taken on a tainted definition of beauty, therefore, becoming unbalanced in our thinking. There are ladies that go over the top in preparation for their day, putting on an unrecognizable mask —under the impression that true beauty is only outward— where they don’t even look like themselves anymore; to the ladies who go au naturale with the mindset that the outward doesn’t matter at all, and it’s only the inside that counts. The problem with both ends is both impressions are unbalanced. Beauty starts on the inside but reflects on the outside. If we spoke in the truest sense of beauty, if you saw a woman who never did her hair or never even cracked a smile on her face, I’m pretty sure that first thing that would come to mind wouldn’t be, “Oh my! She is just beautiful!” Now, maybe I’m looking at the outside and unbalanced in my thinking, like I said, I, too, am learning. But I know that wouldn’t be my first thought.

As a woman in the United States of America, I can honestly say that we have been plagued with insecurity and a misunderstanding of beauty. The most common cliché in pertinence to this subject is, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder,” and to which I would agree… for the most part. The problem with this statement, however, is who is our beholder? Who is this person so well deserving of defining the element of beauty? In my own understanding, the issue isn’t who the beholder is, but rather who we place in the blank. In our culture, we have given the undeserving honor to magazines and men and the people around us to determine whether or not we are beautiful. Some people say we are and some say we aren’t. Some see the outward and some go deep enough to see a beautiful heart, one which radiates through every area of life—the latter being my goal. But my dear friends, this conditional cliché lies true when the beholder is my God, the One in whom all beauty is defined, the only One worthy and eligible of being given such a place in our lives to convince us of this conditional truth. When the beholder is God, “Beauty is in the eyes of the Beholder.” First Samuel 16:7, in my honest opinion, has become a Christian cliché for its frequency in being quoted but its lack of being believed.

But God told Samuel, “Looks aren’t everything. Don’t be impressed with his looks and stature. I’ve already eliminated him. God judges persons differently than humans do. Men and women look at the face; God looks into the heart.” (The Message)

The version and part of the verse most quoted being, “Man looks at the outward appearance but God looks at the heart.” Oh, if we would only believe it, ladies and gentlemen—yes, men too… we all have issues! I love the way The Message puts it, because sometimes we need scripture in layman’s terms. So many times we look at others or even ourselves and immediately judge based on the outward, and though this could go into many other conversations and writings on not judging for the lack of knowing the past and present of another’s life, I’m speaking in the context of beauty. We are so quick to look at a person and say, “Wow! She is just beautiful!” when her heart is black as tar! Then we look at the girl who seemingly pales in comparison and say, “Good grief! Bless her heart; she clearly couldn’t find anything better to wear” –key word being wear. We have falsely judged that girl by being the man God’s talking about in First Samuel, equating beauty with what she’s wearing.

If we place God as the base-keeper of being the Beholder, when we are given a compliment like the one I received this morning we can say, “Yes” not in being prideful, cocky, or conceited, but rather, in confidence that you know and believe God’s image and perception of you—beauty as a heart condition, beautiful as a reflection of the condition. Now, I am not saying don’t compliment people if you don’t know the condition of their heart. When you say to another, “You are beautiful,” seeing passed what they should or should not be, are or are not wearing based on what we have been taught to think and perceive in the nature of man and culture of America, it speaks in one accord with the Word of God, therefore building them up not tearing them down. On the same hand, we have to learn to build ourselves up too, not based on what we are wearing or what we look like on a particular day, but by the knowledge and understanding of what God says through His Word and sees through His eyes of love and grace.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me; this is a dual-sided life-long lesson. By understanding that God is the Ultimate Beholder and with a heart-based perception of beauty, that does NOT mean dress like a bum or carry yourself in such a manner. Matthew 6, I don’t think, was saying if you’re going on an interview where holey jeans and a dirty t-shirt; or it doesn’t matter what you look like, at the end of the day as long as you have clothes on you’re fine. On the contrary!—in my personal opinion, of course. If there is anything I’ve learned in the past two years, one would be that the way you dress and carry yourself does matter. One who is professional carries AND dresses himself (in general, not gender specific) as such. One who is an evangelist carries and dresses himself as such. Well, what if I don’t want to be a professional something or an evangelist? Do you plan on having a job? Do you want to give off the perception that you don’t care about yourself? Heck, do you want to get married?! The way you dress and carry yourself is equivalent to putting on deodorant before you leave every morning. Some things do enhance your beauty. If you have to paint the barn (ladies you know what I mean… and some of you men too), then so be it; take care of business… or just yourself, in this instance. A nice coat of paint never hurt anyone (haha… yes, I’m laughing at myself). Or maybe that means wake up with a little more time to do (brush, curl, straighten, etc.) your hair. Hey! It could mean wake up with more time than to just hop out of bed, slide on some shoes, and run out the door. You know what it means.

This ended up being much longer than I anticipated or than I thought I had words. But all I’m saying if abbreviated is this: let God be your beholder… but check your heart—‘cause if it’s ugly… well… hello!; (if you pass the test) believe you are beautiful; don’t judge others’ beauty or seeming lack-there-of on what they may look like that day; and lastly, take care of yourself—you are worth the beauty God beholds in you. Knowing and believing how He sees you not only changes the way others see you, but you’ll feel better too. I’m learning…

[Climbing off my high horse.]

Charis Bobb-Semple is a graduate from Christ for the Nations Institute who is originally from Louisiana, but now claims Texas as well. Her passion is for the restoration of purity in children and to see them rise up in their calling. Charis also wants the empowerment of women, young and old, to be who they are called to be. Her desire is to see parents be the spiritual primary caregivers of their own children and the justice of the voiceless, unborn babies to be restored. She is currently in pursuit of completing her Bachelor’s degree specializing in Counseling.

7 Things I Wish That I’d Known As a Young Man (that can help you as young women)
by Pastor Jim Hennesy

1.) I wish I’d known how most of my values came from people.

I would have been more selective. My view of the world becomes framed by the words and actions of people closest to me. Three questions help me look at my worldview:

a) Who do I think has it made? (professional athletes, beautiful people, etc.)
b) Who is a really good person?
c) How does someone become good?

The way those questions are answered, and the people offering the answers, pretty much dictate our worldview. Our culture’s loss of moral knowledge and Biblical authority, gives room for the loudest, most passionate voices to shape the world. If values still came from the Bible, we would know:

a) everyone in God’s kingdom has it made.
b) a really good person is the one in whom righteousness of God manifests.
c) someone becomes good by absorbing the accomplished work of the cross.

2.) I wish I’d known the basis of emotional security.

My favorite motto of Jesus: “I know where I came from, I know where I’m going.”
Emotional insecurity is shown by these characteristics:

Comparison – my willingness to forfeit my unique, God created design.
The slippery slope of Romans 1 admits dissatisfaction and ingratitude with God’s creative genius and leads to the destruction of souls and society.

Compensation- living with entitlement attitudes. “I deserve better!” “Why am I deprived?”

Competition- measuring worth by status on some list. (Funny how I can pick the right list to make me a winner).

Compulsion- driven to gain approval of others.

Condemnation- judging myself and others.
Here’s my best advice: Don’t put your emotional security in the hands of anyone unwilling to die on a cross for you. Paul said he has learned to be content in all things. It’s worth learning…contentment. Then, without a pause, Paul boasts, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” Contentment and confidence go together. Contentment begins with thanksgiving for designing my life perfectly, according to God’s wisdom, not mine.

3.) I wish I’d known the difference between contractual relationships and covenant relationships.

I’ve found in my later years that most relationships (by far), operate around contracts. As long as you give what I expect and I give what you expect, we can get along. Covenant relationships, the kind God engineers, come from the idea that I am committed to your well being, regardless of returns. I’ve found a generous life makes me feel rich. Covenant relationships set the stage for high levels of God activity. Unity is a prerequisite and actually commands blessing.

4.) I wish I’d known the value of organized religion.

Raised as the “son of a preacher man” (old song by Dusty Springfield), I chafed under the disciplines and dryness of organized religion. Later, I learned values that require me to rehearse again the revelation of God, the declarations of faith, reinforcements of Scripture, and the testimony of Jesus. The mysteries of a tree are realized in the roots and leaves (photosynthesis and nutrient absorption), but the life of the tree connecting the mysteries is a hard, rigid trunk. Inside the trunk is the life. So with organized religion. Without formal structure, life cannot sustain. We’re far too moody to make it without forms.

5.) I wish I’d known the most dangerous development in my relationship with God involves a hard heart.

“Hard heart” is the term coined by Jesus, first to describe the Pharisees, then his own disciples. He used the term as His followers consistently disqualified themselves from the supernatural by assessing their potential as under-qualified or under-resourced. They were hardhearted when they didn’t understand about the loaves and fish. God expected supernatural performances but they rolled their eyes and mocked him. My heart hardens when I feel overwhelmed with a circumstance, situation and fail to live in the revelation of God’s goodness and greatness. I can do all things….The two strongest evidences of a healthy heart involve transcendence and intimacy. When I remember that my life is bigger than it seems, (eternal, filled with God) and as I peacefully live in relationships with transparency and vulnerability, I am spiritual.

6.) I wish I’d known how my body retains memory.

Spiritual development involves renewing my mind to the spiritual revelation awakened by the Holy Spirit. My spirit demands that my soul submit to the truth. However, harder even than renewing my mind is retraining my body. When you first learn to drive or roller skate, severe concentration required. However, after a while you drive without thinking. (No pun toward women intended). You’ve established memory deep into your arms, legs, feet and eyes. Therefore, stimulus demands response. If the only response you’ve learned is violent, or aggressive, or passive- aggressive, your body does what it knows to do. When a person comes to Christ, retraining haughty eyes, or words, or other physical impulses is often hard. When my physical reactions looked like my “old” man, I doubted my salvation. Training and discipline are required. The best way to retrain your body is to teach it new (righteous) behaviors. (Romans 6)

7.) I wish I’d known how to increase love.

Believing God loves me is hard. By extension, loving others is limited. I have to push His love down and rub it in all the time. Wisdom and peace relies upon the level I believe God loves me. One of my favorite episodes in Scripture involves the young woman who poured oil on Jesus feet. Remember how Simon, the Pharisee, failed to wash Jesus’ feet, but she threw herself on Jesus? Jesus told the story about two people who owed a lot of money; one owed a little and one owed much. Both received forgiveness of their debts. Jesus told the story then asked Simon, “Who loved the best, the most? The one forgiven little or the one forgiven much?” Simon correctly answered that the one forgiven much would have loved more. Here’s the principle: “Whoever is forgiven much loves much.” A lot of people don’t love much because they don’t believe they’ve sinned much. Remembering myself a sinner, saved by love, expands love.

With 28 years of pastoral ministry, Jim leads Trinity Ministries as primary presenter of the preaching/ teaching ministry and primary steward of Trinity’s vision. He also serves the city of Cedar Hill as a coordinator of Transformation Cedar Hill, a coalition of business, education, government and churches committed to see God’s principles enacted into the fiber and relationships of the community. Jim came to Trinity Church in November 1994 from St. Petersburg, FL where he served for 9 ½ years. He is a graduate of Central Bible College, Springfield MO. Jim and his wife Becky, have three children: Ross, Ryan, and Katelyn.

Ever since I was a young boy, I’ve always seemed to gravitate toward television shows with a strong female lead. It started in first grade with Samantha Stevens from Bewitched. I thought, “Anyone who can make things appear out of thin air with the twitch of their nose has to be the coolest girl on the planet.” Then I became obsessed with the fun loving duo, Mary & Rhoda, from the Mary Tyler Moore Show. The quirky old mystery writer, Jessica Fletcher, on Murder She Wrote became a favorite as well. Later on, Claire Huxtable from The Cosby Show took the cake for the most beloved TV woman. It was mostly because her elegance, sass, and charm reminded me of my own amazing mother along with many of the beautiful women in my family.

So when I was asked to write this article/blog, I immediately felt excited. To be given the chance to speak to a generation of emerging Christian women blew me away. I felt honored to say the least! As one who has a loving, praying mother, two caring sisters, and strong grandmothers, aunts, and female cousins, I know the power and strength of a good woman. It is because of their amazing example that I can honestly say that  I love, value, and appreciate the important role of a woman in a man’s life. But soon after, the thought of writing to single Christian women started to intimidate me.

“We have to be braver than we think we can be, because God is constantly calling us to be more than we are.” - Madeleine L’Engle (poet, writer, author of “A Wrinkle In Time”)

I do not know where this initial rush of fear or intimidation came from. But within moments, all my insecurities came rushing at me. “What makes you qualified?” “How is a single guy supposed to give advice to single women?!” “Who do you think you are?” Writing this article brought to the surface all sorts of misconceptions, bad experiences, feelings of rejection, unattended hurts, and unanswered questions that had been lingering in my own heart about women. I know this because my first few opening drafts to this article started out like this:

“Dear Ladies, I am single and ready to mingle!”

“Can anyone tell me where all the good girls have gone??”

“Aren’t all women supposed to be like Claire Huxtable”?

“Why do you always make it so hard for us?”

and…

“Just be honest with me, do I have an invisible sign on my head that reads “KEEP IN THE FRIEND ZONE?!”

Feeling overwhelmed by my lack of love and my own fear when it comes to relating to women, I found a way to call on Hope. And not just any hope, but a living Hope. Hope has always been the anchor my soul clings to when I need understanding; when Hope came to me, I began to look at some of these hard questions again. I now see that these thoughts aren’t just my own, but that there is something in our culture that tries to polarize the sexes. And I am sure this is part of the evil one’s strategy to keep men and women fighting one another and not pressing into new depths of love and understanding. So here are a few of my thoughts and insights to the women of my generation…

“Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all.”    - Emily Dickenson

Being a single man in today’s world, it is constantly communicated through many different sources and on multiple levels that I have nothing to offer the women of my generation. I am constantly reduced to my lowest common denominator and told that I am a no good dog, that all my best intentions are always wrong, and I will never understand women. I also realized how society tends to over glorify our differences as male and female more than our commonality and our ability to come together. I acknowledge that there are unique differences between men and women. Our physiology and biological make up speak to this beautiful reality. But as nature and scripture tell us, there is a completeness that only happens when a man and woman come together as one.

“If we commit ourselves to one person for life, this is not, as many people think, a rejection of freedom; rather, it demands the courage to move into all the risks of freedom, and the risk of love which is permanent; into that love which is not possession but participation.”    - Madeleine L’Engle

An Exhortation To Single Women: What to Look For In a Single Man

Just as Jesus gave his disciples the Sermon on the Mount, here are some “Be Attitudes” that Christian men are looking for in a future wife.

1) Be Confident.

As a woman, be confident in who you are. That does not mean being loud or bringing unnecessary attention to yourself.  Neither does that mean wearing clothes that would make guys look at you in an unholy way. But have a confidence that doesn’t have to say much, that doesn’t starve for approval, praise, or even acceptance. Do not let your confidence be rooted in possessions and prestige for human favor, but in the beautiful woman God has made you to be .

2) Be Humble and Meek.

If I could get away with saying this, I believe that meekness to a Christian man is sexy! Meekness is strength that is submitted to God. There is nothing hotter than a girl/woman who is surrendered to the call of God on her life and a girl who walks in kindness and humility towards the people in her life.

3) Be Open to a Man’s Pursuit of You.

I feel like this is the most important. Many Christian women I have met are not always open to men pursuing them. They come up with all sorts of spiritual reasons behind why they are not wanting or looking for a relationship, but sometimes I wonder if this need to be single is driven more by fear than faith. Do not be afraid to go out on a date with a guy. Many girls struggle with insecurity and feelings of ugliness, but when was the last time you allowed a single man to speak worth and beauty over you and you received it? Always honor any man of integrity who acknowledges the worth and beauty that is inside of you. Though they may not be your future husband, they still have a beautiful gift of love and affirmation to give you.

4) Be a Nurturer, not a Controller.

Men by nature are extremely tactical and generally the way they learn is to “do” first and listen second. It’s important to know that this is the process that the man in your life most likely has to go through. Nagging him doesn’t help. If you already know the answer to his question or problem, then try presenting the solution in the form of gentle wisdom or kind advice and not an “I told you so” attitude. It will goes a long way in helping the relationship mature. He then will see the gold that you carry and will be more open to listening to you first before trying to just figure it out on his own. Men need to feel like they’re being supported and we need space to lead as we feel called to lead.

5) Be Straightforward.

Say what you mean, mean what you say. Against the popular opinion of many women’s magazines and romantic comedies, most men do not understand or play along to the “unwritten rules” of dating. We can be pretty clueless sometimes about the opposite sex. That is why it is important for you to tell us what you are looking for, versus getting upset when we don’t always intuitively pick it up.

6) Be Decisive and Know What You Want.

This one is very important. Any intelligent man who is not looking for a trophy wife, but a helpmate, doesn’t mind if you need some time to make up your mind. Even still, you eventually need to make up your mind about what you want in life. And even more importantly, who you want. Some times guys can be labeled as “players” who play the field, but women can have multiple guys vying for their time and affection and go long periods of time without committing as well.

7) Be Emotionally and Spiritually Healthy.

This last one is a biggie. If you are single, take this time to work on you. It’s vital that you be the happiest, most joyful human you can be. Everyone has issues and things from their past they need to sort through. Do not be afraid to get the inner healing you need to be the best version of you that you can be.

Christian Dealbreakers: What Women Should Look For in a Single Man

Every woman should know that in your quest for finding a husband, it is best to never impress on any man who you hope or wish them to be. Take them at face value for who they are. If that man does not have a goal to change himself, then he never will and he’ll always fail to live up to your expectation of him.

We have all met women along the way who are constantly trying to change the man they’re with. These women either annoy us or cause us to feel sad for them. Some women openly and consistently compare the special man in their life to some other amazing guy they knew or know. This not only demeans the man they’re with, but consistently sends the message that he is not enough for them. Other women tend to hold this criticism in and date, and many times marry, men they secretly hope and wish would change. Unfortunately, these women tend to put up and live in all sorts of hell just to see that dream man come forth.

“The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them.”    - Maya Angelou

On the NBC sitcom 30 Rock, former SNL star Tina Fey’s alter-ego, “Liz Lemon”, writes a book for women who want to know what isn’t tolerable from a man in a dating or marriage relationship. When women come to Liz  for relational problems, she always responds in the comical way, “That’s a Dealbreaker!”.

i.e “If your man is over thirty and still wears a nametag to work…that’s a dealbreaker!
If your man appears on “To Catch a Predator” on Dateline…that’s a dealbreaker, ladies!
Or if your man practices Jedi moves in a park……that’s a dealbreaker!”

Recently I asked my female Facebook & Twitter followers to give me some dealbreakers for them. I wanted to get a pulse for what young women, like yourself, feel are non-negotiables and boy did I! 140 comments later, here are the top Christian “Dealbreakers” from women like you.

•  Dealbreaker: If God isn’t his first priority.

• If he belittles what God wants you to do for what he wants from you…dealbreaker.

• If he’s a flake…dealbreaker

• Manchild = dealbreaker

• If his ego is bigger than himself, that’s a dealbreaker.

• If he doesn’t value you, respect you, and live in purity…dealbreaker.

• Flirts with girls other than you….dealbreaker.

• If he acts interested…then pulls the whole “brothers & sisters in Jesus” card when he gets scared or someone else comes along.

•  Socks and sandals say it all! Total deal breaker!

• Lack of Trust. He’s gotta have integrity. If I find him lying in the little things, how can I trust him with my heart? Dealbreaker.

•  If he speaks to you like his business partner, that’s a dealbreaker.

•  Hygiene issues = Dealbreaker!

•  If he makes himself the victim in all situations…dealbreaker.

• Not just a “Christian guy” but one who lives out the word and is passionately in love with God and the Kingdom. Who can lead his family in righteous ways and by love. If not, dealbreaker.

• Men who don’t know how to be men! They are unable to stand up courageously and lead a relationship, cause if they’re not doing it in dating, they won’t do it in marriage…dealbreaker.

• If they tell you that you need to be more like their mother…dealbreaker.

• I won’t date someone that doesn’t know how to access hope and doesn’t know how to dream big…dealbreaker

•  When guys say what they think we want to hear rather than with integrity from the heart = dealbreaker

•  If he texts more than he speaks to you…dealbreaker

• Lives at home with his parents at 28 with no cellphone or car, not in school, in debt and works at home depot 5hrs a day! Dealbreaker!

In this day and age how can we come together as one? As young women, how do you relate to your guy friends in a healthy manner? As future wives and lovers, how do you relate to the man you want to spend your whole life with? And how do we bridge this ever widening gap society places between the sexes?

As I personally continue to wrestle with those questions in my heart, I pray that my few thoughts and insights can help to bridge that gap between the sexes. It should be obvious by now that I didn’t tell you how to be like Claire Huxtable. Mainly because Claire doesn’t exist. None of those TV women I mentioned really exist. My only prayer is that daughters would open up and talk to sons, and that sons would open up to mothers and sisters all around them. That’s the only way we’ll close the gap.

William Matthews is a worship leader from Bethel Church in Redding, California and is a burgeoning singer-songwriter and recording artist for Bethel Music. Most recently William released his debut, full-length album Hope’s Anthem distributed through Kingsway and was featured as a lead vocalist on Bethel Live’s acclaimed recording Be Lifted High. He has spent several years as a lead prophetic singer and background vocalist for Misty Edwards, Julie Meyer, Cory Asbury and others at  the International House of Prayer in Kansas City and has been a part of worship teams leading for “Onething” & “The Call.”  William has also been a background vocalist for Brian & Jenn Johnson, Kim Walker-Smith, Chris Quilala, John Mark   McMillan, Jeremy Riddle, and many others. He lives in Redding, CA where he is currently seeking a wife and a dog.

Upcoming Travel Itinerary

• Regent University, Sept. 1st, Virgina Beach, VA.

• Bethel Music Tour Australia, Sept. 19th-24th. Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane

• Boom Church, Oct. 2nd-4th Orlando, Florida

• Open Heaven’s, Oct. 12th-14th, Redding, California

• River of Glory, Oct. 20th-22nd, Plano, Texas

• Glory Breakthrough, Nov 3rd-5th Austin, Texas

When the honeymoon is over, true love becomes a choice and a joy.

* A choice because you see faults you never saw in the dating season, and

* A joy because love forged through lifeʼs trials and a commitment to steadfast covenant deepens the affections of the heart

* A choice because your wife has morning breath just like you, and

* a joy because the love that began as a trickle has carved out a place in your heart only she can fill

True love is not a hot pink, hollywood love…but something more real than can be explained, and only something that matures and grows over time.

I committed to seek Godʼs face for a season that would finish when He said so. This was a God thing for me, and I borderline require it for anyone that is a spiritual son. Part of this season was that I committed not to date, to not even entertain the idea. Yahweh would be my only lover, and I asked Him that once it was over, the next person I date would be my wife.

My best advice? 

Seek God with everything you have, and when you reach top speed, look over and see who is beside you. Iʼm not trying to be a “hyper-spiritual Harry”, but youʼll thank me when you have a Godly spouse that gets up and prays, that lays hands on your children when they have a fever, that truly carries the presence of God. The anointing is the most attractive thing about my wife. When your focus is Godward, what could be more enticing than a woman in whose eyes you find Heaven itself?

And I found that in Nikki.

My ʻseason of seekingʼ ended about a year later when God showed me I would marry Nikki. For the record, I didnʼt tell her that, because that would just be really weird. I figured God would show her too, which He did about six months into the relationship. (Hallelujah!!!) We began dating a few weeks before high school graduation (technically high school sweethearts), pushed through the long distance ordeal during my first year at Lee University as well as Army Basic Training and AIT. Dating lasted about a year and a half, and engagement–just under a year.

Now that I really think about it, nearly everything that held my gaze had to do with her commitment to living a Godly life and pursuing Him above all else. She was modest, a worshipper, a lover of God, and I purely enjoyed being around her. Yes, she is beautiful, and yes, her smile changes the atmosphere, and yes, she has gorgeous green eyes but ʻcharm is deceptive, and beauty fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.ʼ (Prov 31:30) Beauty may catch a manʼs eye, but it is depth of character, and Godly character at that, which will keep him. True story! If you want to attract a Godly husband (which if you are part of Captured, Iʼm sure is a must), then you strive to be Godly yourself. If you want a husband that loves you fiercely, then find a man that loves God furiously and is serious about pursuing Him above even you.

When someone rightly values God, only then can they truly find worth in the husband or wife that is created in His image.

I donʼt want to paint a fairy tale.

There will be ups and downs, arguments, the need for forgiveness, forgetting an important date, hurting the one dear to you; those bad morning breath days that make love a choice, but never a chore. Believe it or not, honeymoon love will end, but the warm fuzzies, while never fading entirely, have been throughly overcome with a strong, enduring love for my wife, both because of who she is, and what we are both growing into more and more.

Struggles have not been few and far between, but ever constant. We moved 800 miles away from home only 14 days after we were married. Our son was adopted at age two, with the decision having to be made in only a few days, to keep him from being put into the foster system, and we hadnʼt even been married a year. Just after that I was deployed to Iraq and gone for a year, returning with a number of the struggles that every returning soldier has. But through all the challenges in this relationship, from without and from within, a love stronger than it was even yesterday continues to develop and gives us joy despite every trial, and it is that love which Iʼve grown to cherish above all else.

 Andrew Peters is the director of Remnant Rising, a revivalist ministry based out of Trinity Church Cedar Hill, that is dedicated to equipping and raising up this generation to be carriers of Godʼs presence. He currently lives in Dallas with his wife, Nikki, and the coolest son ever, Jaxon.

Those were the words I heard from him. I’ll call him Tim.

I replied, “Um… Thanks? What do you mean?”

Tim continued, “You just… I guess intimidating isn’t the best word. You just know what you want to do in life. You have a lot of passion and vision. You don’t see that in a lot of girls. It’s intense. It’s kind of intimidating… for guys.”

Now, that’s not word for word, but in context, that’s all I remember.

Since that conversation, the words echoed in my head. Lies from every direction came at me telling me I was too much, that I wasn’t going to make a very good girlfriend or wife because I scared men.

“Maybe I should calm down and not be so… motivated. Maybe I should be more girly and funny and not be so intense about my calling. Maybe I should even flirt a little more and not be so passionate about… saving the world.”

Then I realized, this is exactly what the devil himself wants me to think! It’s what he wants me to believe, because I am actually making a difference in the world and not just trying to find my calling in a husband. Finding a husband is definitely a good thing. But I’m not looking for a man who doesn’t even support what I’m doing. I don’t want to waste my life with someone who doesn’t consider everything I was designed for and made to do. I want someone who will be my best friend and will run together with me. A man being threatened or intimidated by my destiny is only going to kill it.  A man being attracted to my calling alone can be creepy. I need a man who will not only be attracted to my destiny, but reinforce it. One who will bear the weight of it with me. I don’t want to disregard his destiny at all, but I want ours to be intertwined.

I was speaking to a close friend the other day, and the words proceeded from my mouth were, “I feel like I am more of a threat to (single) men than I am actually attractive to them.”

The more I think about this, the more I realize the only being I should be threatening to is the the devil himself. If a guy is threatened by me, a woman of God who is on his side, I’ll never be able to fight giants with him.

(I won’t stereotype, but…) Most guys don’t know what they want to do in life…they’re scared and afraid of failure. They pursue a girl and find out that she knows what she wants to do, then they get scared and shove her away because they don’t know what to do with their lives. In turn, it affects us because we actually have a grasp on our destiny.

I’m done with feeling worthless because there are guys out there who don’t have a clue! Just because I do know what I want to do, it doesn’t make me bad. It makes me more attractive and more priceless to the man who knows where he’s going. It gives me substance and character. It makes me worth fighting for. It makes me worth waiting for.

So, I’ve decided… I not going to stop changing the world just because I want to fall in love. I will continue on in my destiny until my best friend joins me.

Bethany Stephens is a graduate from Christ for the Nations Institute and has been featured on two of their cd’s.  Australian born, she is a lover of boots, sushi, steak, coffee, and scarfs. She also loves to sing, play the guitar and write music and poetry. Her heart is especially for children and young women and seeing them grow in their destiny and the unique calling placed on their lives.  One of her passions in life is to see people respond to God because of His great love for the world. Currently she serves as a Web Designer for Generals International.

I came up empty-handed. In my search, I couldn’t find anything to define the dilemma that many leaders seem to struggle with…whether they voice their struggle or not. As a leader, sometimes we’re faced with decisions that could potentially compromise valued relationships. So the question arises, “Do our responsibilities as a leader outweigh friendships? Or are we willing to compromise the positions we’ve been entrusted with in order to protect people we care about?” Even now I find myself in a difficult position.

When I think of leadership, I don’t think of adjectives.

The first thing that comes to mind is people. Whether it’s the leaders that have gone before me, or the people that I’m leading myself. It sounds stupid, but sometimes I feel like the simplicity of leadership is made into something harder than it really is. Not saying that leading people is easy, because it’s not, but some of the complications are unnecessary. If we would just keep in mind that leading others isn’t about us, I feel like things would be so much easier. For example, the situation I find myself in. When you really think about it, if I was really going through the decision making process with others in mind, it really isn’t that hard of a choice. It’s not about what’s easy or convenient for me, it’s about doing what’s right, regardless of how much it hurts.

True leaders understand true sacrifice.

Whether it’s the loss of sleep at 3 a.m. because you’re interceding for a suicidal teenager or stepping out in faith and paying for a kid to go to camp when you’re struggling with finances yourself. Giving all of yourself to see others succeed is a reward in and of itself. As leaders, we need to learn to embrace altruism and give without expecting anything in return and serve with the right attitude.

It shouldn’t matter if you’re given a platform or not.

A true leader should be able to lead with or without a title. Be an example. Live a life worthy of following. I’ve seen more people than I can count get upset because they’re not being used on a stage. That right there should be enough to tell you they’re not ready to lead. It’s not about being seen. If that’s your motive behind everything you do, you won’t get far in life. Make right decisions. Live above reproach.

Being a leader isn’t just about praying for people, you also need to disciple.

A few weeks ago on a Wednesday, I was  really having a hard time. At HD (youth service), we had an altar call and I prayed for 2 girls that I didn’t know. I desperately wanted to connect with them. Having the opportunity to pray with them was an awesome experience, but it’s about so much more. We can’t just pray and leave, we need to get into their lives. It’s so much easier to just pray..but imagine if we actually took the time to get to really know the people we’re leading. More than just surface deep. To build relationships that are established on a firm foundation and not just trivial, worldly things. To step out of our comfort zones and ask the hard questions. To truly lead.

How much would change?

LaSondra Spears is a spoken-word artist from Dallas, TX and serves as Captured’s blog coordinator. She is also on staff with The One Movement, a worship leader for Velocity, a full-time student, and a part-time nanny. She wants to see a marriage of righteousness and justice and longs for the day that abortion is ended and revival is spread throughout America. Her desire is to see youth and women step into the calling on their life and realize their worth and the authority they have. She enjoys writing, spending time with friends, and traveling.

Many times we can’t run as long because we are not breathing right.

As I was running, i was thinking about the importance of correct breathing technique and I had this thought- Breathing right doesn’t make you run. And prayer and time studying God’s word doesn’t get you saved. But breathing right will cause you to run well.

I thought about how focusing on my breathing was comparable to focusing on learning from God and spending time allowing Him to form me. So… prayer and doing the things that God has called us to do will not save us, as correct breathing will not cause us to run.  But it’s a necessary practice for one to live a saved life well, or run a race strong. You run. You learn to breath right. You are saved. You learn to be formed by God.

So often we can distance ourselves from God or be down on ourselves for not praying enough or reading the Bible enough. Doing those things does not have any effect on His love for us, which we sometimes believe. The purpose of doing those things is not so that God will love us more, or use us more. It is in a desire to live life well. And that desire comes from ultimately wanting to know God well and know ourselves well.

As I was tiring after a couple of miles, my inhale and exhale became heavier. As I breathed in and out, i saw the process of my life. Inhaling the truth of God, who He is and who He says i am…and exhaling the lies of Satan, who he is and who he says i am.

As you see, I have a funny thought process. I look at things probably from an absurd angle.

People don’t always see what I see in things…but it’s these small thoughts that impact me in a large way. Breathing right gets us through the rough spots in the race to the finish line. And allowing God to mold us by  spending time in prayer and in His word gets us through every season and causes us to live our life well…abundantly.

Run your race well.

Jessica Terry is a graduate from Christ for the Nations Bible Institute and is currently a full time receptionist at a law firm in Dallas, TX. She is involved with the youth and prayer ministry at Trinity Church. She pursues a life that portrays the love of God and desires to see lives rescued, redeemed and restored. She sees a mandate on this generation to walk in emotional wholeness- loving God and others out of understanding how loved we are. She is in pursuit of becoming whole, so she whole-heartedly devotes her life to knowing God and making Him known. She enjoys writing, meaningful conversations with friends, reading and meeting people all over the world.