I think I’m lonely for what could have been, for what should be. I responded to an article a friend forwarded to me on abortion about how lately I have been thinking about how ripped off every child is who my dad fathered (dead or alive).

I said, “It is like their hearts are crying for justice & I can hear it.”

It is just dawning on me how ripped off my own dad was with his father. My dad has one memory of his own father. My grandfather picked my elementary-school-aged dad one time, drove him to a local restuarant of some sort, bought him a coke, hardly said a word (if I remember the story correctly), dropped him off and never came back again.

That is injustice.

I am lonely for a good father. I want MY FATHER. I want my siblings, ALL OF THEM. Tears are forming in my eyes because I realize that I have been lonely because I have been WITHOUT. It is right to feel this; these are proper emotions considering the situation. My greatest ache has been to just have a good man in my life to properly love me. But at this moment, all I really want is my DADDY. But he is not here. And he is not well nor whole. I am lonely for him and I suspect he is lonely for me.

Tears are flowing now, but I am not in pain.

I have an AMAZING HEAVENLY FATHER. The GREATEST, and He has been faithful. I finally understand why the ache. Man, I miss my siblings. Hard to explain it. I have three living sisters, one deceased baby brother (last October) & then twin siblings who were aborted and that beautiful solo aborted baby who is loved and not forgotten.

I miss them, I want them. It is personal to me, they matter. I refuse to forget any of them. I will do my best to live this life given to me with them in mind, not taking it for granted. I will live it fully, loving well – making this life count.

Brothers & Sisters, you are all SO LOVED and SO THOUGHT ABOUT. You matter. I love you.

Your Big, Protective Sister (More tears… and a few more…)

- Tasia

Tasia Holyfield began merging her passions for both creativity & ministry in her teens where she eventually became the Creative Director at the #1 Christian youth camp in the USA, Youth for the Nations in Dallas, TX. She is a graduate of Christ for the Nations Institute as well as Hillsong International Leadership College in Sydney, Australia. She has now fulfilled another one of her dreams, living in Newport Beach, California, where she works as a visual merchandizer. She also volunteers her time as an ‘environment designer’ for various women’s conferences as well as working with some of the most disadvantaged, beautiful people of Los Angeles in her spare time.